benalene

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Slap stupid people in the head. Get your resolution here

And that is just what I am going to do!

Funny Christmas quotes and stuff that happened (to be added to as I remember):

Me (to Jake): Hey, do you know what we are standing under?
Jake: Umm...that's not mistletoe.
Me: Close enough! *kiss*
Mom: That's my girl!

Dad: Hey Allen, pull my finger!

My grandmother having a can of "fart spray" and spraying it in my uncle's face.

Me: No, I am not going to drink it! It has the word "egg" in it, and what the heck is "nog"??!!

"Hair clip: 25 cents. Learning your lesson: Priceless."
~My Aunt, after her son lost some hair clips that he was expressly told not to play with, and which he had to find before doing anything else.

I realize that some of these might not be too funny to you. Most of them, you had to have been there.

I have really smart cousins, by the way :D.

benalene took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks an affectionate relationship, offering fulfi..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I just wanted to say.......I love Jake.

The end.

Funny thots: Stupid quotes by famous people

"Half this game is 90% mental."
~Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
~Lee Iacocca

"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
~Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
~Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
~Al Gore, VP

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
~Bill Clinton, President


Serious thot:

"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are."
-Houssaye

Funny thots:
After a terrific few games of ultimate last night, I give you: Ultimate Rules!

However, do not crash into other players in an attempt to perform a leaping catch. A rule called the "principle of verticality" stipulates that each player is entitled to the space above his body. Nor can you hipcheck another player or hold them down to prevent them from jumping up to catch the disc. Anything beyond the most incedental contact between players is a foul in Ultimate (unless there's tickling involved).

In contrast to crybaby sports like soccer and basketball wherein skilled thespians refine the art of fouling and being fouled, the official ultimate rules strictly forbid any action—taunting, intentional fouls—that might be construed as bad sportsmanship.

Ultimate relies on the honor system and the belief that no one will intentionally cheat, much like marriages, the income tax system, and all-you-can-eat sushi bars.

The higher the costs of hitting any object, the greater the certainty it will be struck. (Remember - the disc is positive - both cops and old ladies are clearly negative)

Women should be allowed to carry BB pistols to get the attention of male teammates who repeatedly overlook them because they are female. (my personal favorite!)

During lightning storms one player per team will be picked at random to wear a large metal antenna on his head so that the rest of the players can continue playing without fear.

You know you have been playing too much frisbee when:
~You heckle the discus thrower at a track meet because he's too lame to throw a hammer. "The fans want a hammer!!"
~When you call a meeting at work, you ask your coworkers to "bring it in."
~You accidentally yell "UP!" while watching Monday Night Football.


Serious thot:

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
Psalm 19:1-4

Sorry guys, this issue of Funny and Serious thots is for my sisters out there. That doesn't mean that you can't laugh along too, but I seriously doubt you will appreciate it as much :D .

Funny thots:

BRA SIZES
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
~Conan O'Brien

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.


Serious thots:

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy......
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them when, in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ Anonymous

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30) Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. (1Peter 3:3-5)

Funny thots:

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

It will be necessary to store these bells upside down to prevent warping—that is, with the top at the bottom and the bottom at the top. To prevent mistakes and allow no doubt as to which is the bottom and which is the top, for storage purposes, it is noted that the bottom of the case is stenciled with the word “top.”
~in a church bulliten

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
~John Mendoza


Serious thots:

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

Funny thots: Quotes

college is oncoming like a freight train being driven by a midget with a deathwish: he doesn't care whether he hits me or not, and he couldn't reach the pedals if he wanted to anyway.
~ http://inconspicuous54.deviantart.com/journal/5927575/

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
~ A. Whitney Brown

"It was a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
~ Jeff Stilson

(And my personal favorite :D )
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
~ Warren Hutcherson


Serious thot:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51:10-12

I GOT A CAR!!!@11


yes, that did need it's own entry.

This one is extra long since I am going to be in florida for a week.


Funny thots: Things you should never hear your coxswain say...

Man, it's a good thing i brought along this lifejacket!

Oh well, you guys never liked the bowman too much anyway.

Oh well, we can always get a new boat.

What the heck does that sail boat think it's doing?!!

OK, that last drill didn't work. Turn the boat back over and we'll try again.

Everybody weigh enough. Bow and 2-seat, you have each others' oars. Exchange them now.

I wonder what kind of submarine has a periscope like that?

My name is Andre. I'm a former Pro Wrestling star from France. I'm your new coxswain.

When did they build THAT bridge??

How many times have I TOLD you, it's "Puke OPPOSITE your rigger"!!!

OK, that's it for the stroke. Seven, throw him overboard and pull his oar in.

OH CRAP!!


Serious thots:

Art, above all, is to be artful.

The conceptual framework for a biblical view of the arts and aesthetics is the doctrine of creation. God created the universe ex nihilo. He did not imitate preexisting ideal forms, as in the classical tradition, nor did He rearrange existing matter, as in the pagan creation myths. Rather, He created everything that exists. God, therefore, is the ultimate artist. The universe is God's work of art.

If the creation is God's art, painting (or drawing) what God has created becomes a way of honoring Him.

Stealing Beauty by Gene Edward Veith
an article about Christianity and Art. Here is a link to the actual article. A very good read if you are into the arts.

Funny thots:

Sticking your finger in the toaster when your pop-tarts are ablaze is always something you will regret. ~Bradley Greive

Darth Vader at a formal dinner table is a bit odd...
~the best and worst moments in Star Wars

A morning without coffee is like something without something else.

So our story ends with a psycho contractor guy.
~Frank by the W's



Serious thots:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

I was just thinking, I really can't remember all the funny and serious thots I have posted previously, so if I repeat 1 or 52 of them, then just let it slide. It will happen eventually, if it hasn't already. With that being said....


Funny thots: Quotes

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. ~George Burns

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. ~Mel Brooks

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain

People don't just live in Venezuela and have children.
~my brother (heh, guess you had to be there :P )


Serious thots:

There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Eh, I am going to make this separate because it is public. I am going to start making my lj mostly friends only, for various reasons, of which I don't feel like explaining all of them on here. I am going to start posting my funny and serious thots again, which will remain public, but personal stuff is going to be friends only. So, um, yeah. Here you go.


Funny thots: Stupid Product Labels

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
“May irritate eyes”

A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”

A label with a hair dryer reads,
“Never use hair dryer while sleeping”

A household iron warns users:
“Never iron clothes while they are being worn”

A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to
play in the dishwasher."

A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to
“Remove child before folding”

A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions:
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”


Serious thot:

To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure.
Titus 1:15

Listening to the rain and thinking about Jake.

God is so amazing! After THREE weeks, I finally got to see Jake. And all was right with the world. Once again, I am at a loss for words. Words can't describe this weekend. God showed both of us stuff that we needed to know. That maybe we had kind of been slacking a little on the spiritual side of our relationship. God has blessed me so much.

On deviantart, this one guy had a poll that asked how do you feel. Well, to be honest, there isn't an answer to say how I feel. I feel great because of the blessed weekend I just had, but I feel down because that weekend had to end and I had to say goodbye to Jake. Saying goodbye does not get easier.

I am really hungry.

Sarah out.

List your current top 7 favorite songs, and then tag 7 other people to participate in this endeavor.

1. State of Mind - 38th Parallel
2. Cornerstone - Day of Fire
3. Wait for Me - Rebecca St. James
4. Never Alone - BarlowGirl
5. A Little More - Skillet
6. Grace Like Rain - Todd Agnew
7. Girl America - Mat Kearney

1. I don't
2. have 7
3. people in
4. my friend's
5. list.
6. So all
7. of them.

Hokay. Much worry and stress for the past two days, of which Jake is the only one who really knows the extent of, though mom could see a little stress (though she never saw the tears.) Much relief and gratefullness today. I went in to the vet clinic today, and was able to talk with the vet. I explained to her that I felt like two jobs were more than I could handle, and I apologized profusely, but I told her that I would work this weekend and next week, so that she would have time to find someone else, but that I was going to quit. She was very understanding, for which I thanked her for. She thought that the reason I was sticking with cracker barrel instead of her was because, as she said, "I am sure that cracker barrel pays better." I told her that was not the case, just that I could transfer to huntsville when I go back to school, to which she said that it was better then that I keep cracker barrel. Like I said, she was very understanding, and very grateful that I was going to stay through next week. And I don't think that this weekend is going to be as bad as originally expected. The clinic is not open on weekends, so I will not be having to bathe and clip dogs, just take the dogs out in the morning and feed them. One problem, though. She wanted me to come in in the morning and the evening, which I am working both evenings at cracker barrel. So I asked her if I could bring my brother in the morning with me, so I could show him what to do and he could come back in the evenings to take out the dogs again. She said that was fine. God is so good. I am so thankful that Dr. Harbin has been so understanding.

Anywho, I do not have work tonight. Woohoo! There is frisbee at 5:30. I am still trying to get over a head cold. Jake is amazing.

I forgot to add that I got bit by a dog today, watched another dog get spayed, shaved three dogs and got scratched by one pretty good, and saw some little rottweiler puppies getting their tails docked. I think that is so cruel. I would say a pretty good day at the vets :P.

Ok, so taking two jobs might not have been the smartest thing to do. Both have me working this weekend. This is what this weekend looks like:
Saturday 7:30~12 vet
1:45-9 cracker barrel
Sunday 7:30~9 vet
9~11:30 church (though I might leave early depending on how much I have to do at the vet.)
12~1 finish at vet
2:45-9:30 cracker barrel

So basically I have no weekend this weekend. This is never going to happen again, even if I have to quit the vet job. But, the good thing about next week is that I don't work at cracker barrel again until thursday, so I will mostly just be working at the vets in the mornings next week. And, I am going to request to not have to work next weekend, because I really need to see Jake. Like, it will have been three weeks. Of no Jake. I wish this summer were over already. Wait, I wished that the first day of summer vacation.

I have also been thinking, I don't know if I want to work this fall semester. There is so much going on already, and my schedule is so messed up anyway, I don't know if I can work next fall. Hmm... I might could work a couple of hours during the day on mondays, wednesdays, and thursdays, but I do not want to work on fridays or weekends. I just don't. I already have way too much going on. Classes, crusade (which we are planning a lot for the first six weeks), crew, and I don't think that I want to work at all. Blah, I hate growing up. I sound like a baby. Ok, just disregard all of the above paragraph.

I miss Jake. No, like really miss him.

Hmm...wow, I have now officially started both of my jobs. Last night, I started at cracker barrel. Basically I got paid to just stand there. Apparently, I was supposed to learn something (just kidding!). There is a lot to do! Or you just have to know how to do a lot of things. But I absolutely love the atmosphere at cracker barrel. All the employees are so nice, and my trainer was making sure to go over everything with me. I get my own register tonight!

This morning (bright and early at 7:30), I started at the vet clinic. There is a lot of upkeep stuff that I am going to be doing, and a lot of stuff they have me doing now is stuff that should have been done all along, but just kind of got forgotten. Some of the cages hadn't been used in a while and needed to be cleaned and dusted. I have to feed and take the dogs out as soon as I get there. I will be bathing and clipping dogs. Laundry. Mopping floors. I have to work every other weekend, but I get paid extra on weekends, so that is a good thing. I have to go into cracker barrel tonight and change my availability so that I don't work in the mornings. The vet job is going to be good. The atmosphere isn't as great, but the people are nice, and I love being around animals. It is just going to be a lot more work. Physically, the work is much harder than cracker barrel, but it is just the dirty jobs that no one else wants to do, like cleaning poop and cages. The good thing is that the hours are kind of flexible. I have to get there at 7:30, but as long as I get everything done, I can leave before 12. Just depending on what needs to be done will determine how long I have to be there.

So, this is going to be my life for the next two months. Joy. I don't think I am going to have to worry about having enough money to get a car before next semester. Yeeesssssss.......